great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
