Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dignity is for republicans.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
