also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
