Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
