I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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