you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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