I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
