Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
