dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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