Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
