Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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