Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
