Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
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I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...