Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened