Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.