i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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