She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I need to sanitize my soul.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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