we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
