I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
