What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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