they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
