i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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