so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
