ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize