you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
