I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
