You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
