I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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