So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
