If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
