THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
