Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
