I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
