u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
