that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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