is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
did you just send me my own nude
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
