Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
