Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
