community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
