That's intense
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
