I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
