BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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