I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
