I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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