whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
