wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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