I'm jealous of your bromance
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
