I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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