my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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