do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
