onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
