i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
