From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
