im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
