The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
