direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You can't just leave with hair like that
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
