Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
