Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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