I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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