Umm I'm too high to move.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
