Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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