I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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