Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
