So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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