i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
