he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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