Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
