did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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