Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
