You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
