i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
