I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
