Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
