Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
