im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
