from now on my penis is your penis
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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