Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
