I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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