currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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