Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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